being present and finding joy in the process
Just like that, January has passed us, and February 2021 is here! Yet the pressures of New Year's Resolutions, along with the wanting of what has yet to be accomplished, remains. I recently was listening to a podcast, and the speaker said that the hardest challenge in his life was “not to be angry in the gap between the present reality and the future vision”. I don’t know about you, but that sentence hit me like a brick. When I was a young dancer, my ballet company always had a sign up in our studios that read “Find Joy in the Process.” It was our artistic director, Ms. Allison, who insisted on it. She wanted to remind us that when rehearsals got challenging (which they frequently did), to not get so frustrated and lost in striving for a goal or working towards improvement, that we forgot why we were there in the first place- for the love and joy the art itself brought us. See, in the world of dance, things can get pretty competitive- if you’re not competing with another dancer for a part, you’re competing with yourself. Always learning. Improving. Jumping forward. Sometimes, falling back. It’s actually one of the things I loved about it- there was always something new to learn and master, and the satisfaction of finally nailing a triple pirouette after weeks of practice was unmatched. However, if I wasn’t careful, that same eagerness to learn and improve, could quickly turn in to negative self talk. “Why can’t I do this yet- I’ve been working so hard?!” “When I finally can do 10 foutes en pointe, THEN I will finally be happy with my dance skills!” “My leaps aren’t as high as hers, and probably never will be, so I might as well give up now because without good leaps, I might as well not be a dancer.” Sounds pretty dramatic right? Believe me, I know. In hindsight I can see how ridiculous it was, but in certain moments, it felt true. You see, I was so focused on striving for more, that I forgot what I already had: a working, talented body that was privileged enough to spend 20 hours a week in the studio doing what I loved. I forgot to find joy in the process. So often these days I hear people say things like "When I lose those 15 pounds, I’ll finally love my body” or “When I am in a relationship, then I will finally be happy”. This formula of “When ____ ( get that dream job, make x amount of $$, etc.) happens, I will finally be ___(happy, whole, worthy, beautiful, love myself etc.)” is used so commonly in today’s culture. Now don’t get me wrong, hopes, dreams, and goals are all a beautiful part of life— I love dreaming about my future, what I want it to look like, and who I want to be. It inspires me to keep moving forward. To keep changing. To keep growing. But we sometimes put so much weight in to this “future vision” that we become angry at our present reality. We beat ourselves up for not having or being those things, and lose touch with all that we do have and who we are right now. We forget to find joy in the process. In honor of February, and Valentine’s day, I want to remind you that you are worthy of all the love and joy and happiness you want, right here, in this present moment. It is great to have goals and dreams to work towards, but don’t forget to love your current self in the mean time. Take some time this month to slow down, show yourself some compassion, and remind yourself of how amazing you are, right now. Don’t wait to achieve some goal or dream to start living your life. Find JOY in the process. YOU'RE WORTH IT.
XOXO, Ali
